My Husband Flirts and Thinks It’s No Big Deal | Laura Doyle
“But when you're flirting and they are not sure of the boundaries or if your partner is unhappy with how you are behaving with other men and. ideal marriage your husband would never look at another woman; much less, flirt! Some 'wiser' men who don't get what they need from their wife made it a. There is no doubt in my mind that flirting when in a relationship has most men thought it was not a smart thing to flirt with another woman in.
I have seen buddies of mine push the envelope when flirting and getting themselves into hot water with their spouses by being a little too obvious in their engagement with other women.
Many of you know or have heard of people whose flirting ended with a sexual liaison that ended in a destroyed marriage. There seems to be much anecdotal evidence regarding the dangers of flirting when in a relationship, yet some of us continue to engage in this activity. We become alive, animated, focused, and totally aware of the other person. Another reason might be the need to feel desired. Maybe your relationship has flattened out or become mired in the everyday chores of raising a family.
When out at a party, someone gives you a little attention, you lap it up and return the vibe. A playful little encounter occurs — what harm could come of it?
I used to think that most men thought it was not a smart thing to flirt with another woman in front of their partner. First, that depends on whether your partner notices or not, and what they think about the encounter — are they threatened by it?
Second, it depends on the meaning you give to it and how the encounter affects your future behavior. Having lived many years and being a therapist has changed my mind on this one. All hell would break loose. In other words, it serves a purpose. It may be totally dysfunctional but, it has a purpose. The flirt-er thinks their partner is making too much about nothing, and their partner is furious and or threatened.
The simple answer to this problem is for the flirt-er to stop flirting when the partner is present. If they are unable to do this, a deeper look is required. Are they power tripping, being deliberately hurtful, or totally unaware of the effects of their behavior narcissistic maybe? There is a saying in psychology — all behavior is functional.
Flirting, may point to something in the relationship or in the individual. It could be many things.
You say your partner flirts with other women and refuses to curb this behaviour. You say this makes you feel diminished and rejected, and rendered weak and powerless. Are you being fair? Aren't you being as uncompromising as he is? No one can force someone to feel diminished, weak, or any other way.
How to React to a Husband's Flirting With Another Woman
Each of us is free to choose how to react and feel about what happens to us. You say you cannot change anything, but you are as inflexible as he is in how you perceive his behaviour. You add that you do not believe he acts out his fantasies, but that his manner towards other women upsets you because it reminds you of your father, who did have affairs.
Isn't it an indulgence to claim that simply because something triggers a painful memory, it should stop? Your partner is not your father: You could, if you chose, interpret your partner's behaviour quite differently.
You say he finds women attractive, and it sounds as if he can usually win their interest. Despite this, he wishes to be with - and stay with - you.
Why Does My Husband Flirt With Other Women?
We all hope to be indulged when we ask for something from a loved one, and indeed it would be desirable for you if your partner immediately ceased all flirting. But most flashpoints in relationships can be resolved through mutual compromise rather than one-sided acquiescence - and neither of you is offering any such accommodation. Let us now consider the choices available to you. Given that your partner refuses to stop flirting, you could leave him.
However, if you hope to find someone who will oblige your every request, I think you will be looking for a long time - at least, to find someone as exciting as your partner. Alternatively, you could give him an ultimatum: However, if you demand this, there is no reason why he should not make similarly absolutist demands on you to change whenever anything you do upsets him. You could regard your father's affairs as a psychological trauma, and seek treatment so this no longer dominates your reaction to your partner's flirtations.
That seems rather heavy-handed, but it is an option nonetheless. Finally, you could resolve to react differently to your partner's behaviour. Tell him you trust him, and instead of watching his every move, enjoy the social occasions you share.
This has one risk. If he is very insecure and needs your constant jealous attention for reassurance, he will flirt even more outrageously. But if he does, you will need to ask yourself if you want to stay with such a manipulative person. In truth, it is more likely that he would be delighted with your more trusting reaction. He would no longer need to feel defensive, and might even act more considerately.
But however he responds, you would be able to enjoy life a great deal more. Linda Blair Next week: My fertility clock is ticking I am 35, with a year-old partner, and am concerned about the time I have left to have a child. We have been together for two years and are saving to buy a house. I have asked him to consider trying for a child in two years, providing we are still stable and happy, but he says he cannot guarantee that he will want to. He does want children but doesn't know when.
I am worried that his "when" will be too late for me, and I will be left childless or, worse, he may leave me for a younger woman. I think the issue is that he is slightly too young to think about this - none of his friends has children yet. We haven't discussed marriage - mainly because I am divorced and no longer see it as the be all and end all.
Both of us view buying a house together as the main commitment to one another. We plan to work abroad together and our future as a couple is fairly certain - it's just this issue of children. Do I take the risk, stay patient and hope he will be ready soon, or leave a wonderful man and relationship and look for someone who wants a family sooner?
We have discussed the situation at length and I have been clear about my concerns. I would like both of us to be totally happy about the prospect of having a child and I am reluctant to try to "persuade" him to have one before he is ready. I would really like to know how other couples have handled this problem.10 Ways Men Flirt That Women Don’t Notice
You are invited to respond to this week's main problem. If you would like fellow readers and Linda Blair to answer a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around words.