How to Get out of Pain in Your Relationship Right Now
Hurts are inevitable in relationships. We can use the pain to draw us closer and make our relationship vibrant if we know how. But those times pass, and the relationship as a whole should bring you more happiness than pain. That constant undercurrent of unhappiness. My recent break up has been the most painful experience of my life. You will shortly after get in a new relationship, but to your surprise, this will soon become .
John Gottman states the research is clear about issuing a complaint is a healthy part of a happy marriage. Or worse yet, we risk building apathy.
Break ups cause pain, but if you embrace it, you will make space for something so much better
Be as clear as you can be with your partner. You can use this simple format: Ask Questions Take the time to hear from the other person what was going on for them. This can be a really short and quick process. Sometimes however, it might be a longer process.
Your partner may need some time to think about what was going on for them. They might need to get back to you after they have thought about the situation.
If they do need time, set a time to return to the topic. In general, though, forgiveness is clearing the tab the other person has with you.
It is an accounting term. Giving forgiveness frees us from continually being the bill collector in our relationship.
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But when we give forgiveness, we cease waiting for the other person to pay up. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting.How To Make The Pain Stop After A Break Up
Forgetting would only happen with a lobotomy. We may have to set boundaries around behavior or attitude. We may have to limit our exposure. That is why so many of us avoid entering relationships fully — it tests us more than anything else in our lives, and magnifies our emotions, and magnifies our fears.
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- How to Get out of Pain in Your Relationship Right Now
So many of us just dibble dabble; and as soon as it gets too painful, or it gets too scary, we pull away, blame the other person, or leave; maybe thinking another man or woman will be better for us.
Because intimate relationship is the area of our lives where we have the most fear. So, we will always have the possibility of experiencing pain if we are truly loving somebody — but when it gets really bad; is when we give ourselves no possible way — no personal power — to deal with it; so we end up in consistent and eventually PERMANENT suffering; rather than just feeling our pain.
So we MUST strike a balance between actually letting ourselves FEEL our pain, and letting it get out of hand, which just means prolonging it until you eventually start to feel completely helpless and bitter. You must focus on what you CAN control In our intimate relationships we have no control over the other person. As a woman, you have no control over a man. If control is what you want, I encourage you to get some handcuffs and a basement.
And then prepare to be miserable. But it is our focus on this uncertainty; this fear; of the lack of control that we have that paralyzes us. Any time we are focused on what the other person is doing or better still, NOT doing for US, we get pain.
All of your pain comes from withholding your OWN love And any time you, as a woman, feel pain in your intimate relationship, is because you are withholding your love.
You expect he should just do something for you. And what a bastard he is. Maybe, he is being a total prick. You get pain because you are denying yourself of love; and you are denying your own ability to love, as a woman.
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So it feels like there is no love there in existence already; which is a lie. I would like to suggest that everybody would love to get out of pain, but not everybody would like to grow.
So we just keep doing the same thing that we always have; causing ourselves more pain. How to stop feeling pain and suffering right Now Alternatively, if you are truly hurting, and want to get our of that pain, there is a way.
Pour your heart out and write it all down on paper. But there's one trick here: Don't send the letter. Which leads me to my next point Recognize your own irrational fears.
As I just stated, when a relationship has recently ended, we may tend to get caught up in fears of "I won't find something better. It is not real, rational or the truth in any way.
So when you notice these fears come up, simply recognize them and let them be. Don't dwell on them. Simply recognize them for what they truly are: Just a fear, not truth. Take care of you.
Make it a goal to be your own best friend. Buy yourself or cook yourself your favorite meal, spend a night curled up with a great book or watching your favorite movie and go out with supportive friends. Make you and your well-being your 1 priority.
Visualize yourself empowered and happy. Take some time to envision yourself a few months down the road. You are feeling happy and empowered. When visualizing, ask yourself: What am I doing in my life?