Balance in a relationship means not only that you need to give wisely, This perceived give-and-take imbalance has many possible reasons. “Give and take” is a mechanism inherent to all personal relationships – you cannot expect to receive something if you don't offer on your own. Give and take is a philosophy and approach to life that many of us follow The same is true for relationships where a balance of give and take is a sound recipe .
Many greatly misunderstood and misconceived when spouses repeated the same vows, they had made a deal.
No, they did not make a deal. They never made vows contingent on each other making the same vows. If you had done so, your marriage would be nothing more than a business deal, and, even if it lasted, it would be classified as a failed marriage. The greatest benefit of marriage is unconditional love, period. All the other benefits do not add up to being a fraction of the value of feeling love.
Love is the ultimate succor, what we all seek and need. But you cannot feel the love you have if your mind wonders when you will get a payback. If your mind is calculating a balance of give and take, even subconsciously, you will not feel the love you seek.
When you recognize you married the desired person in order to cherish and please them, without expecting anything in return, then your marriage will succeed. Why were you drawn to her initially? Make sure you take time to look for all the ways she might be giving that you don't initially see.
Marriage Is A Give And Give Relationship
Pull out a pad of paper and list everything you can think of that she does for you. This includes things like easily forgiving you, brainstorming your business with you, encouraging you to be an individual, standing up for you, making you laugh, remembering to ask about your mom, etc.
Be sure you're receiving what's being given! Continue to give your best. If you're good at scheduling time together, then do it. If you're good at listening longer, asking better questions and validating feelings, then give and do it freely.
If you're the one who remembers birthdays and buys presents for her kids, then do it with joy, harboring no resentment. If you're able to pay for meals together, tell her that it's your privilege to give to the friendship in this way. Love on her in the ways that are easy and natural for you, knowing that is your contribution to the friendship you share.
Learn how to give and take more meaningfully. Knowing that we all tend to give in the ways that we most wish others would give to us, look for clues about what matters most to your friends. We certainly have love languages that are most natural for us, but for the people we love, we should also try to give in the ways that seem to matter to them.
6 Ways to Bring Balance to Your Relationships
With close friends, we can also tell them what they do that means the most to us. We can use our energy more efficiently and effectively if we can increase our awareness about what speaks to our hearts the most.
Learning to ask for what we need from those around us is a skill worth practicing. Balance in a relationship means not only that you need to give wisely, but also that you may need to look around to see how you're also receiving more than you might notice. May you find joy in your give-and-take.
Which of the principles is hardest to do, in your opinion? What other advice would you add? Click "Fan" at the top of this page to subscribe and be notified of her posts! In order to take when I am in need, I must first make deposits. We hence seek to keep our accounts positive at least to the degree of an adequate safety net for future needs, with more risk-averse people with good self-control sustaining a larger average credit level.
A more complex give and take is in our relationships, where we give and take time, support and emotion to and from other people. Giving typically implies generous support that is gratefully received, yet this is not always the case. We can foist things on people or give only reluctantly. And we may be desperate or unwilling to receive. Likewise, taking can range from grateful acceptance of a kind offer to coercive demands.
Both give and take can hence be positive and negative in intent and involve corresponding positive and negative emotions. The equation of reciprocity The way we behave in balancing give and take is driven by the personal and social need for fairness. Relationships extend this to work through the force of reciprocitywhere there is a strong obligation to repay what you are given. If one person owes too much to the other, resentment and conflict may arise and the relationship may consequently fall apart.
An exact balance is not always required as trust acts to make this a 'sloppy' system. The greater the trust, the more negative the balance can become before concern about repayment arises.
If I trust you then I will give a lot before I seek to take in return, confident that you will repay me at some time in the future. In each relationship there is a bucket system of 'social capital' where we make deposits and withdrawals from the bucket.
The exact currency is difficult to define but could perhaps be approximated with the formula emotion x time. If you spend two hours helping someone, and they spend an hour helping you, then, if the emotional exchange is equal, they still owe you an hour. Emotional complexity The problem in balancing the books of social exchange is that emotion is a complex variable. If you help me for an hour and I am very grateful, then I may feel a need to help you for three hours doing something in return.
6 Ways to Bring Balance to Your Relationships | HuffPost Life
Gratitude is hence a powerful driving emotion in social exchange. When I help you, it is your gratitude that is the deposit in my account that motivates you to repay me, not just the fact that I helped you.
Other emotions complicate the situation. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier.
Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much. In fact if you did not need or want my help then you may think you owe me nothing. And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done. In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect.