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At my father's bedside, I learned what death looks like | Life and style | The Guardian
His skin smelled different. His breath gradually became a rasp, then a rattle. We were sure he was in pain. We had not, of course, talked about any of this with Dad beforehand; we had no plans for this, no idea of what he might have wanted.
It would have been a very difficult conversation. Anything I give to your father now would simply be prolonging his death. When it finally came, death was quite sudden, and absolutely unmistakable.
But those 10 days were hard. Death is foreign to us now; most of us do not know what it looks, sounds and smells like. The secret ICU doctor's diary: The reports all, in fact, conclude pretty much the same thing: Everything else about our death, though, is uncertain.
Have proper conversations, and make proper plans. In the meantime, though, a lot of people — about half the roughlywho die in Britain each year — still die in hospital. And as an organisation that has long focused on curing patients, the NHS does not always have a framework for caring for the dying, Chapman says.
But in NHS hospitals too, much is changing.
People die in hospital essentially in five wards: Is another operation appropriate? Has there been any kind of end-of-life planning? It will always get worse before it gets better. Because I was so young when my dad passed, I was numb to the reality of what I had lost. It wasn't until my teenage years I truly grasped the cold, hard truth. A particular instance I remember was during my junior year of high school. I was facing the choices of colleges, dating and figuring out who and what I wanted to be.
The thought of these big changes happening without my dad weighed on me. I don't think I've ever cried like I did that night. It was as if the 9 years without my dad had all been compacting until this breaking moment. It was a night I spent alone, in my room. Although unknown to others, this was a defining moment for me.
At my father's bedside, I learned what death looks like
I remember crying out asking the universe why it had to be so hard. As I got older, not only did I more clearly understand the loss of my father, but I was now going through things I needed him most for. Since that time, there have been moments that made my dad's death seem harder, but there have also been moments where the pain has gotten better.
- 10 Things I Learned From Losing My Dad
The people you lose are still with you. My dad is still here with me every day. I feel him when passing a construction site with a crane, because he used to wear this goofy yellow ball cap with a crane on it.
I see him when I look into someone's blue eyes and remember his. I know he's there in the moments when I feel totally alone. Most importantly, I know he's there when I look in the mirror. From the dirty blonde hair that is his, to his smile that reflects back at me. You'll think about it every day. Sometimes we go through hard times and they become a part of our past. But losing someone is just as prevalent in the past, present and future. Something happens every day that I wish I could tell him about.
Like the other day when I ate chicken fingers and I wanted to tell him how it reminded me of that grill he took us to as kids. I want to call him and tell him about the job interview I just walked out of and how horribly awkward I was during it.
I want to tell him about the amazing guy that asked me on a date and how I really feel like there's something special about him. All the little things that happen every day keep the memory of my dad alive. No one can fill the void. Losing someone, especially someone as close to you as a parent is, leaves a hole in your heart. It starts as an emptiness that fills every aspect of your life. There may be many people or things you try to fill that emptiness with, but the reality is that you need it.
You need to find the beauty in it. The beauty is having someone you loved so much, that no one and nothing will ever replace them. It's how lucky I was to have been my daddy's buckaroo for his time here.
To have had such an incredibly loving and close relationship with him that losing him has left such a void in my life. Queen Elizabeth II said "Grief is the price we pay for love.
You can keep their memory alive, but don't dwell in the loss. A balance is needed between remembering them and being able to move on from the loss.
We cannot dwell on the tragedy of losing someone and forget the wonderful life that is still around us. This includes feeling sorry for ourselves and letting bitterness fill our lives. No, it's not fair that my dad died.
And yes, I am still sad about it every day. But I have been able to live such a wonderful life in tribute to him.
I’ve waited my whole life to meet my Daddy Army Combat Boots Quote Design
There is no better way to remember my dad than to take this life he gave me and make the most out of it. Family should be first. The absolute best moments in my life have been shared with my family. They are a gift and we have to treat them as such. Without my family, I would be nowhere. And the loss of my father has only taught me to love them harder and cherish them more.