Devalued in a relationship

devalued in a relationship

Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and. Yes, a platonic relationship after being discarded by a narcissistic ex can definitely form. The reason a narcissist would want to continue a platonic relationship with you after being discarded is because they are still ‘hoovering’ over you. All relationships with narcissists. It occurred to me that the idealize, devalue, and discard relationship pattern is a reflection of the brain's reward system. There is more involved.

Gaslighting is a technique abusers use to convince you that your perception of the abuse is inaccurate.

5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage Of You | Thought Catalog

During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist will often invalidate and criticize your emotions, and displace any blame of his or her abuse as your fault.

Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why victims so often suffer even after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless in their agency and perceptions.

Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked and they need constant validation from the outside world to confirm their grandiose sense of self-importance and fulfill their need for excessive admiration. This is why they are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people to get what they want.

Dating Emotional Predators: Signs to Look Out For | Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

Beware of people who seem to shape-shift suddenly before your eyes into different personas — this is a red flag that they are not authentic in their interactions with you and others. This smear campaign is used to accomplish three things: The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem. Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation, uncertainty and infidelity.

Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view.

devalued in a relationship

They do this to an excessive extent in order to play puppeteer to your emotions. They do so by the following: The effects of this type of manipulation are incredibly lethal on victims long-term, so it is important to note signs early on in the dating process so that you can detach more quickly from the different type of reality these toxic partners are likely to impose upon you.

Dating Emotional Predators: Signs to Look Out For

It is gaslighting in its simplest form but over time becomes a complex type of psychological torture in which the victim starts to mistrust his or her perceptions of the covert abuse and feels unable to trust his or own reality. Narcissists can easily maintain the illusion of their false self whenever their behavior is called out and discredit their victims so that the covert abuse is never recognized or addressed without the dire consequences of you walking on eggshells.

To understand the difference between a partner who provides you constructive criticism or simply disagrees with you and a partner who routinely projects their own qualities and gaslights you, look closely at their actions rather than their words.

Does it appear that the person you are dating often accuses you of the same characteristics, traits or actions that they themselves seem guilty of committing? Do they call you a hypocrite when they are the ones who often contradict their proposed beliefs? When you call them out on being rude, do they bring up something irrelevant you did in response, in order to shift the topic back to you instead?

devalued in a relationship

I cannot count the endless number of abusers I have met who begin their ploys with superficial charm accompanied by self-absorption and an actual lack of empathy or substance. Disclosure, honesty and open communication are foreign words to the abuser, who lives in a world of falsehoods. In the beginning, the person you were dating was constantly on top of you, bombarding you with calls and texts.

Suddenly, they disappear for days, only to come back again as if nothing ever happened. Attitude changes towards you. This is a psychological tactic that provokes you into trying to please them, even if the abuser is mistreating you.

You might find yourself on the receiving end of praise, flattery, attention one day, only to be given cold silence the day after. Occasionally you will get the same idealization that you received on the first few dates, but more likely, you will get a mixture of hot and cold, leaving you uncertain about the fate of the relationship. Going No Contact if someone is bothering you, harassing you or making you feel uncomfortable in any way is a better tactic.

Block their number and any other means they might use to communicate with you. Should they continue to harass you, document the evidence and tell them you will take legal action if necessary.

If possible, use an alternative like a Google Voice number or other text messaging app while still getting to know someone. You must put your safety and privacy first.

devalued in a relationship

Intimacy terrifies a Narcissist, and he will respond by being purposefully abusive in order to push you away. Another example of when a Narcissist is intentionally abusive is if you voice your displeasure or threaten to leave the relationship. A Narcissist cannot be alone.

He must always have someone present to validate him. By asserting abusive behavior, he is attempting to maintain his dominance and control over you. A Narcissist has a way of turning everything around so you begin to question yourself. He will do something terribly mean or cruel. You will talk to him about it, and by the end of the conversation, you are the one apologizing for some reason.

A Narcissist knows how to manipulate better than anyone. A Narcissist eventually becomes sarcastic and belittles you constantly. You begin to feel you can do nothing right in his eyes and your presence is hardly tolerable. You wonder what you did wrong to cause such a drastic change in his feelings toward you.

You struggle desperately to return things to the way they were in the beginning. Unfortunately, as hard as you try, things will never be the same again. He is not the man you thought he was. It is a maddening and precarious way to live and can drive anyone to the edge of their sanity. When a Narcissist feels he is in control of you and is not threatened by any fear that you will ask for too much from him or leave the relationship, he will engage in escapist activity and appear as if he hardly knows you exist the majority of the time.

The Narcissist's Idealize, Devalue and Discard Cycle

You are merely present to validate him should he not get enough attention from the outside world that day. You are treated with indifference by the person who once showered you with affection.

His "silent treatment" is his way of devaluing you. If you begin to pull away, he will lay on the charm again. Trust me, a Narcissist knows when to engage his false self to ensure you never leave him. He is always reminding you that he understands you like no one else can or ever will.

devalued in a relationship

It is essential that he makes you believe only he can understand you. By constantly telling you that you have problems and quirks only he can understand, he believes you will become dependent on him.

devalued in a relationship

By telling you he loves you despite your flaws, he hopes you will begin to feel unlovable in some strange paranoid way. This is his way of ensuring you will never leave him. It is narcissistic manipulation at its finest and you need to recognize it. A Narcissist will always ensure he has someone present and available to him at all times to validate him.