VAV Healthy Relationships
The beginning of a romantic relationship may feel like infatuation or even make you anxious, according to therapist Debra Manchester MacMannis in an article. When you are just starting a relationship, it is important to: . Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, "I love you and trust you, and I want to work this. Don't Start A New Relationship Until You've Done These 4 Things . Until you truly commit to the work of self-love that's required after the.
She has expertise with clients Read More There are 4 predictable stages that couples experience in a dating relationship. At each stage, there is often a decision sometimes more thoughtfully arrived at than others to move forward or to end the relationship. Some stages take longer than others to go through and some people take much longer at each stage. The initial meeting may take place over the internet, through friends, in a church or social group, at a party or bar or any one of a myriad of many different places.
Different arenas for meeting allow for different opportunities to get to know each other and see if there is enough curiosity or interest to take it to the next level which would involve arranging a second or third meeting. Curiosity, Interest, and Infatuation During the second stage, attraction and infatuation are most pronounced. Early attraction often involves the physical attributes of the partner and include things like outward appearance, body type, interests and personality traits.
Couples generally do not have much conflict at this stage of the cycle as each is really trying hard to impress the other person.
For women especially there may also be a desire to figure out where the relationship is headed. Going slowly in making any decisions about a relationship are more likely to be better ones than moving quickly unless it is clear that the relationship is not a good fit. Both halves of a couple will notice weaknesses and differences or flaws. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate.
It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument.
Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time. Being a good listener requires the following: You might start this process with: Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest. Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation.
3 Ways to Start a Relationship - wikiHow
Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and to eventually fail. The following will help you to distinguish between healthy and problematic relationship expectations: What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time.
Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion change with time, as well.
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Respecting and valuing these changes is healthy. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer type of passion than a new relationship. It is difficult, but healthy, to accept that there are some things about our partners that will not change over time, no matter how much we want them to.
Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want. We may also hold the unrealistic expectation that our partner will never change from the way he or she is now. Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume that your partner knows your wants and needs, this is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships.
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A healthier approach is to directly express our needs and wishes to our partner. Respect Your Partner's Rights. It is unrealistic to expect or demand that that he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you.
Be Prepared to "Fight Fair. Healthy couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and seeking compromise. Additional information about fair fighting can be found here.
Fighting Fair Maintain the Relationship. Most of us know that keeping a vehicle moving in the desired direction requires not only regular refueling, but also ongoing maintenance and active corrections to the steering to compensate for changes in the road.
A similar situation applies to continuing relationships. While we may work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically leads the relationship to stall or crash! Though gifts and getaways are important, it is often the small, nonmaterial things that partners routinely do for each other that keep the relationship satisfying.
Outside Pressures on the Relationship Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.
Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together.
Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a compromise. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or frustrating.
It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense "suggestions" from family.
There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do. At the same time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together. Let one another know what your needs are.