Now, staying together for close to four decades of long-term relationship/ marriage is kinda a big deal in a world where people celebrate. Long distance relationships are the worst. “Is he/she worth waiting for? Are they feeling the same way I do?” “Am I kidding myself thinking this. Skyrocketing phone bills. Layovers and missed flights. Countless hours spent pining, worrying, and wondering, Why do we do this to ourselves? Long-distance. .
Otherwise, you will inevitably drift apart. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship. Are you hiding something from me? I am the only fun in your life!
How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship | Mark Manson
All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful. Make Communication Optional A lot of long distance couples create rules or expectations that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time.
You can even find some articles online recommending this sort of behavior. You talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to. And if that means going days without communicating, then so be it. People get busy, after all. Suspenders just wants to play Candy Crush. When you force communication, two things can happen.
Welcome to every shitty marriage ever. This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves. Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow. There is such a thing as overexposure.Survival Guide: Tips to Survive The Relationship
The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time. The best way to go is to make all communication optional. Both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave.
If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. And easier said than done. Especially when plane flights are involved. And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that you two will one day be together and achieve your Happily Ever After TM. Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless.
The Long-Term Relationship Survival Tip Guide | HuffPost
Remember, love is not enough. You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values and mutual interests. In my second relationship, my girlfriend took a job working in Africa.
Meanwhile, I toiled away in the US with no money trying to get my first internet business off the ground. All hope for making it work was removed from the equation and we soon broke up. My current girlfriend is Brazilian. We began dating while I was living there in I left after a few months and we kept in touch.
But we had it because we both knew it was necessary if we were going to continue. Six months later, I made the commitment to move back down to Brazil and stay there with her until we could figure other plans out.
The truth is, that we have all kinds of shit going down around us all the time.
- The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide
- How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship
A ton of things. And a lot works about our marriage, and some things will always be problems because we have relationship patterns that suck sometimes. As a love, sexuality and relationship consultant, I know all about relationship patterns, and my husband and I definitely have them. Our marriage is a blend of old world ideals and lots of stuff that we make up as we go along. Some of what makes our marriage work may not work for you but it works for us and that is key. Our relationships belong to us and nobody else.
I remember someone telling me that they didn't want what my husband and I have together, and I remember telling them that they didn't have a clue.
Most people really don't. To have a happy, and fulfilling long term relationship you need to be able to do a few things besides not dying: Suck it up and turn the other way. Door slamming and walking out doesn't ever work. And you really don't have to talk everything out. Be more than willing to let things go.
The Long-Term Relationship Survival Tip Guide
Acknowledge each other's humanness. Be a fucking cheerleader.
Forget sexy date nights as the key to a long-term relationship. Instead, do the fucking dishes.
Pour each other coffee in the morning. Put toothpaste on each other's toothbrush so you find it waiting for you. Marriage needs to be a cuddle party that never ends.
Don't tell each other everything. There is a big difference between privacy and secrecy.