Couples Therapy: How to Stay Close After Baby
“When a couple takes a break in a relationship, it's usually because one future of the relationship,” New York–based relationship and etiquette expert of Relationship Advice When one of you just needs some breathing room for the weekend, whether it's in the form of a girls' trip or a visit to your parents'. Taking a break from a relationship isn't as simple as spending time apart. . She says slowing down a new relationship that's getting intense. Relationship Survival Tips for New Parents it as a shower gift!) to get a break from household chores and save yourself a silly argument or two. If you have time before your delivery, consider taking a parenting philosophy class that will go.
Whatever you do, just keep talking.
For the first four months of his life, the Kamloops, BC, mom nursed him every two hours, around the clock. Never a good sleeper, her son now bunks on a mattress by her bedside and wakes several times a night for a bottle.
Husband Charlie gets up to tend to him too, but many nights, both parents find themselves walking the floors because daughter, Haley, 10, sleepwalks. Irritable and cranky, exhausted moms and dads have little left over for one another. That might mean taking turns letting one another sleep late on weekends or spelling each other off for grown-up nap time.
But some new moms find they can help compensate for sleep lost during feedings by squeezing in a few early morning hours of shut-eye before their partners leave for work. And if visiting friends or relatives offer a hand, let them look after baby while you nap or simply put your feet up. This is no time to be shy about accepting help. Even if, and when, the mood strikes, opportunity is rarely available. We are programmed to take care of baby first and, when we think the baby needs us, the bedroom Olympics are over.
Many mornings she even wakes up with Nicholas by her side in bed and Charlie on the mattress on the floor. Make time for plenty of cuddling and loving touching, and communicate your feelings about the lull in sexual intimacy. Just admitting that something has changed can sometimes be enough to acknowledge the importance of sex — and create a sense of trust that you will get some of the sizzle back.
But, she says, she and husband, Gordon, have discovered a new closeness in their shared love of their daughter. The couple talk openly about how to raise their baby, and usually agree on most issues. The MacGregors are smart to discuss their beliefs about how to raise their daughter, and lucky to find they share the same views. But some new parents run aground on a philosophical issue, such as circumcision, feeding on demand versus a schedule and, later, discipline.
Although Ashley wanted to quit working, the couple needed two paychecks to make ends meet. She changed nursing jobs twice in one year, taking salary cuts in exchange for more flexible hours, but continued to spend money freely.
Joshua grew concerned about having a cushion for the future. Her side "Growing up, I never had to save for something I wanted.
Relationships after having a baby - NHS
I didn't learn the value of that. But I never ran up debt, and Joshua and I always paid our bills on time. Once we became parents, though, Joshua thought I spent too much on the baby.
He questioned every nickel I spent, and I felt like he was trying to control me. I nagged Ashley to cut back because we didn't have an emergency fund, which was even more important now that we had a daughter depending on us.
Sonya needed clothes, but not every time Ashley went to the mall. And don't get me started on the little things, like coffee, that really add up! Discuss your spending and saving habits and your long-term goals, Gordon-Rabinowitz advises. Review six months of expenses to see exactly where your money goes, and then add in the costs for baby must-haves.
If you're not sure how to estimate that, sign up for the free, ten-day Baby on Board Bootcamp at LearnVest. Crunch the numbers to see if you can still achieve your goals based on your income and spending tendencies.
Then set a budget -- excluding your salary if you plan to stay home -- so you can adjust to living on less even before you become a family. Designate a certain amount that the two of you can spend however you want.
Taking a break from your relationship? Here are the dos and don’ts
How they're doing now Ashley and Joshua decided to see a financial planner, who helped them create a budget they could both stick to. They also went to counseling, which taught them how to talk through their differences. Ashley stopped spending as often and started shopping sales. Josh picked up extra work to help offset their escalating expenses. As for the emergency fund, they're still not able to save as much as they'd like. Pinterest "We were locked in a power struggle.
Louis Parents of Henry, 1 The conflict During her leave, Megan, 31, worked to get Henry into a healthy sleeping and feeding routine, and she expected Greg, also 31, to follow her lead. When she corrected him, it set off loud arguments that often ended in Megan's giving Greg the silent treatment. The couple also bickered about chores, because Megan wanted more help around the house.
Her side "I didn't know anything about babies, so I read a lot of books. I wanted Henry to develop good habits. It was so frustrating that Greg didn't take me seriously -- until his own way failed, and then he reluctantly gave in. We wasted time trying things I knew wouldn't work -- like letting Henry stay up so we could all go out to dinner. Greg's ideas weren't unreasonable, but we had different notions about what was best.
Besides, who said books have all the answers? The real problem was that we have very different personalities: Unlike Megan, I fly by the seat of my pants. She liked that about me before we became parents, but once Henry arrived, she thought he'd be scarred forever if he got off schedule. During the first few months of his life, we constantly went to bed angry.
New moms often feel as if their husbands are ill-informed or less experienced, and so they become critical to maintain the routine that they believe works.